Yapping

Madonna: Live in Ancient Sumeria at Miss Ishtar's Irrigation Class With Samir and Petar

LIVE FROM THE STEPPES OF UR, inside the Ziggurat of Ur lies the esteemed Miss Ishtar's irrigation class, where the legendary Madonna will bring to you a concert like you've never seen before! Step aside, o gods and goddesses of Mesopotamia, for the Queen of Pop herself is descended from heaven for a once-in-an-eternity performance!
For one divine night only, the sacred steps of the Ziggurat of Ur will conjure flames of glory, courtesy of the fire priests of the ziggurat, accompanied by drums and lyres, dancers on golden chariots, and, of course, the voice of a generation, Madonna herself. Rising court jester Elton John will be opening the show! Tickets can be purchased from the Oracle at the ziggurat.
But do not linger, for you shall hear crazed whispers of the future - a world where an orange-haired madman is plunging city-states into trade wars at a whim, electronic automatons are taking over civilization, and, a weekly podcast hosted by three homosexuals in the lowlands of Europe performing a ritual known as "yapping" - its mere mention sends the Oracle into insanity, so quiet your lips and hand over 5 bunches of barley and 3 bars of silver to obtain a ticket to the concert of a lifetime!
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Editor's note: at 56-57 minutes we were talking about Newgrange, a prehistoric monument in County Meath in Ireland. During the winter solstice (around December 21st), the rising sun shines directly along the long passage and illuminates the inner chamber.
Follow Samir: https://linktr.ee/celestikah
 

The Psychosexual Theory of Colonizing Bussies With Samir and Petar

What does it mean to be a singer, a dancer, a performer—or none of the above? Can the Tate McRaes of this world ever rise up to become vocalists? Do they need to? This week, we break down the layers of artistry and performance, from raw talent to the illusion of stage presence. But beyond the spectacle, we dive into the complexities of power, desire, and discrimination in both personal and systemic ways.
We start by recounting Petar's disturbing encounter with a creepy man which leads us to exploring a psychosexual post-colonial theory that unpacks the lasting impact of power dynamics, and examine how pushback against modesty culture is tied to racism and hypersexualization. The conversation turns to the insidious ways discrimination manifests on Grindr and how the app reflects deeper issues within queer spaces. We also discuss misogyny in Japan, the way economic systems ensure the persistence of racial injustice, and the dystopian potential of Elon Musk’s Cyberlink.
Of course, we take a moment to reflect on the lighter (yet still questionable) aspects of our lives—like our Pinterest feeds... before going right back into how social media’s toxicity is more about its users than the platforms themselves.
Tune in for a deep, unfiltered discussion that connects the personal to the systemic, one bussy at a time.

Will You Be the Mayhem to My Joanne? With Samir and Tobias

From the visionary minds of Samir and Tobias comes Will You Be the Mayhem to My Joanne?—a genre-bending spectacle that redefines chaos, confounds expectations, and leaves audiences questioning their own taste in music. Featuring an eclectic soundtrack that veers between brilliance and bewilderment, Mayhem is an audacious attempt at reinvention that sometimes soars and sometimes crashes harder than Lorde’s Solar Power reception.
In this kaleidoscopic fever dream, Gaga is joined by a cast of unexpected players: Fergie belting for her life before sunrise, a shoegaze subplot that confuses more than it enlightens, and a rogue ensemble of 2016 killer clowns that lurk menacingly in the background. Amidst the madness, there’s a surprisingly poignant interlude about nostalgia in the form of old McDonald’s toys, and the eternal disappointment of overpriced artist merch that someone made in 5 minutes on Microsoft Word 2007.
Does Mayhem succeed? That depends on whether you can handle a storyline that abruptly shifts from dating show discussions to deep-dives into internet shock sites to discussing post-9/11 America. But one thing is certain: you won’t forget it anytime soon. Samir and Tobias are here to break it all down—because if Gaga is serving Mayhem, we’re ready to feast.

DILF Joe Biden's Bills Have Been Affected With Samir and Tobias

DILF Joe Biden’s Bills Have Been Affected: Reclaiming Joy, Chaos, and Your Inner MILF With Samir and Tobias
Are you feeling lost? Stuck in the monotony of life, unsure how to balance your appreciation for Super Bowl halftime shows, Drag Race discourse, and existential debates over fuck, marry, kill lineups featuring Abraham Lincoln, Osama Bin Laden and Troye Sivan? Do you long to embrace the unfiltered madness of Dutch Carnaval while still making time to analyze the Pope’s recent health scare?
In this groundbreaking self-help manifesto, Samir and Tobias will guide you through a radical journey of self-discovery, unpacking the life lessons hidden in unexpected places—like M.I.A.’s Super Bowl controversy, Madonna’s film career, and the unhinged TikTok characters of Corporate Erin and Boss & CEO. You’ll learn how to accept your past (even if you hate your early albums, à la Marina, Alanis, and Tori Amos), embrace your present, and manifest a future where even a birthday party is a spiritual awakening.
With humor, wisdom, and just the right amount of chaos, DILF Joe Biden’s Bills Have Been Affected is the self-help book you didn’t know you needed—because sometimes, personal growth starts with a conversation about Marina and ends with an impassioned debate over Emilia Perez.
Reclaim your power. Find your joy. And most importantly—never underestimate the cultural significance of a well-placed middle finger.
Follow Samir: https://linktr.ee/celestikah

Questioning The Culture: Lana Del Rey and Soviet Britney Spears With Comrades Samir and Petar

This summer, prepare for a cinematic event that will challenge everything you thought you knew about pop culture, politics, and… feet. In a world where pop divas hold more political influence than elected officials, two fearless commentators embark on a mission to uncover the hidden ideologies lurking behind our favorite icons. Is Britney Spears a secret socialist? What does Lana Del Rey really think about feminism? Can Doja Cat ever escape the shadow of that racial chat room scandal? And why does Grimes keep trying to be the female Elon Musk?
From the fatphobia shaking the gay world (hi, Sweat Tour with Troye and Charli xx) to the cutthroat lobbying of Big Tobacco, Questioning the Culture is a gripping exposé that blends music, controversy, and social critique into one unhinged yet thought-provoking experience. Featuring a deep dive into the politics of pop girls, a pitch to reform vegan activism, and an exclusive look at a very niche but awesome Eurovision fan contest on Discord which you absolutely must join and participate in (we need people) (the invite link is https://discord.gg/55bhtgcmEZ).
 
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Drinking A Soy Latte And Serving Kant At The Sex Change Operation Table with Samir and Petar

It's Friday evening, and you know what that means? More yapping for our dear listeners! This week, Samir and Petar discuss a bit of academia, talk about becoming a professor at our university, the unhinged Larry and Gaylor fandoms, and the increasingly desperate attempts of celebrities to court the gay male gaze.
Then, it’s a Eurovision deep dive: the sheer kantness of the 69th edition featuring songs titled Kant and Ich Komme (honestly? we're here for it), past winners returning for another shot at glory (and failing at it), and Sanremo being the gift that keeps on giving... giving us not what we want! We also unpack the mess that was Emilia Perez and the delicate (and often disastrous) balance between camp and sincerity in film, reminisce about Sex and the City 2 being both terrible and iconic, and revisit Madonna’s American Life rap verse—a moment that was tragically genius. And of course, no discussion about Madonna is complete without her failed attempt at performing in Eurovision in 2019, with vocals so off key the EBU had to intervene. Grab your soy lattes and buckle up for an episode of unhinged ranting!
Follow Samir: https://linktr.ee/celestikah

Gold Star Gay! Or: Eating A Pizzussy In The Fjörds Of Iceland with Samir and Petar

What do bussies, the Finnish language, and economic inflation have in common? Absolutely nothing, of course. But somehow, we still discuss them all on this week of Yapping. We'll tackle the mythos of the "gold star gay," unpack the ever-growing "-ussy" industrial complex, and go on a bit of a linguistic deep dive (namely, we mispronounce long words in languages we don't speak). We also explore the cold-hearted, reserved charm of Northern Europeans (and why smiling at a stranger in Poland is basically a crime). Samir contemplates embarking on a tattoo pilgrimage to Bulgaria, and, in a shocking turn of events, we take a hard left into extinction events and possibly dubious science. Also, this podcast needs to go video (hint: Samir’s hair is on a journey of its own and we spend like 20 minutes discussing it without showing photos!). Buckle up—this episode is a rollercoaster of chaos, culture, and -ussy appreciation. Apologies for the audio this episode!
 
Follow Samir: https://linktr.ee/celestikah

The Subtle Art Of Putting On Deodorant with Samir and Petar

Ah, the delicate dance of hygiene—an art so misunderstood, yet so desperately needed (especially in a packed gay club at 3 AM). This week, Samir and Petar embark on a whirlwind discussion that somehow connects Drag Race Thailand, Renaissance era architecture, and the tragic state of (penile) hygiene in the gay community, namely, how the norm has become smelling like a moldy Gorgonzola blue cheese which has aged in a cold dark cellar for a century. We break down the far-right’s weird obsession with “Western cultural superiority,” dive into the surprisingly grim stats on the percentage of people who do NOT wash their hands after using the bathroom in Europe, and talk about why many men think deodorant is optional. Plus, a crash course on Sex and the City (and why gay men are now all acting like SATC's worst straight men), the legacy of 80s-90s gay history on modern gay relationships and desirability standards, and how Marina Satti is single-handedly inspiring at least one of our hosts to take Greek language lessons (on Duolingo, for now). Grab some deodorant, wash your hands, and prepare for an episode that will leave you equal parts enlightened and horrified.
 
Follow Samir: https://linktr.ee/celestikah

Living Life As A 5’1 Italian Girl In New York City with Samir and Tobias

Some people are born great, some achieve greatness, and some are 5’1” Italian girls from New York City who single-handedly reinvent pop music, meat dresses, and the very concept of camp. This week, Samir and Tobias embark on a deeply unhinged journey through the chaotic brilliance of the one and only Lady Gaga. From her early days performing in grimy NYC clubs and sold out IKEA parking lots to her ascension as THE Mother Monster, we talk about her albums, the questionable accents on House of Gucci, and, of course, her performance on Joker 2. So grab your Chromatica Oreos, roll up your hair and put your lipstick on, and prepare for a Gaga deep dive that will leave you speechless, if not a bit confused, and craving the finest Italian food Manhattan has to offer.
 
Follow Samir: https://linktr.ee/celestikah

A Comprehensive Guide To Pop Girl Conspiracies and Albanian Mafias with Samir and Petar

All aboard! On the debut episode of Yapping, Samir and Petar delve into the marvelous and tantalizing world of pop girlies and all the conspiracy theories that surround them. From Britney Spears being cloned, Taylor committing vehicular manslaughter (and hinting at it in her lyrics), to the Albanian mafia secretly running modern pop music, we talk about it all... At least, all the interesting theories. Disclaimer, we don't actually believe any of these theories are true. But in case you do, here are 7 useful tips to know whether your fav girlie is up to something shady (and not the good kind...):
1. Follow the breadcrumbs... in the lyrics! Maybe it's not metaphorical, maybe it’s a confession. Dive deep into Taylor Swift’s discography for clues about her (alleged) hit and run.
2. Island hopping or something deeper? Why does Dua Lipa post so many vacation photos anyway?
3. Industry plants and money laundering - If a pop girl unexpectedly gets a hit out of nowhere and sells out stadiums with barely anyone actually attending, check for signs of money laundering.
4. If your favorite pop girlie suddenly gets involved in controversy every time the current US president is involved in a scandal, make sure the CIA isn't using her as a way to distract the public from the next potential Watergate!
5. A pop girlie’s flop era is never an accident—it’s a calculated move. Analyze why Katy Perry chose Witness to be her flop album. And Smile. And 143.
6. Stan wars or psyop? While your average 16 year old might make a shady comment about his fav outselling yours, check to make sure these accounts aren't botted to drive up engagement leading up to said fav's next release!
7. The Great TikTok Phenomenon: Why do so many pop songs suddenly go viral on TikTok? While the app may not actually have ties to the CCP after all, it could always be the Illuminati (orchestrated by Beyoncé, of course).
If you follow these 7 simple guidelines, you can be assured that you'll become an expert conspiracy analyst in no time!
 
Follow Samir: https://linktr.ee/celestikah